I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
