I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
