my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
