She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
