I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I see more hoeing in ur future
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