Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
time to smoke my breakfast
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
