i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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