I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
