Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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