I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
