she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
