You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
