I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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