Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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