Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
