They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
