why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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