I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
