We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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