It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
