Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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