Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
