so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
