i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
love makes seman taste better
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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