You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
