do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
