I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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