I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
