I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hate all girls vehemently.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
