And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
