So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was born a porn star she said
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
