I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
