She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
