Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she smelled like a LAN party
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
