There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
