my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize