I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There r osticjed everywhere
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
