Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
