Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
