Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
