somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
