i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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