it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
