Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
