Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He better not be in your backpack
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize