Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Text me some of your sweat
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