I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
