It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize