"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
