you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
