I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
