Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The beer is more important than you right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
