Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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