yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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