Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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