A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
