found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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