ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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