I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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