Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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