still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
