I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
