I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
