Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
